Challenge Accepted.....

Inspired by a friend, I've decided to do the 30 day blog challenge.  Why?  Because I wanna and I needa to do it.  This year has brought many, many life changes (we moved across the country, I'm staying at home with my two kids, no more house with a white picket fence in a cute little town, etc.)  It's an outlet for me and also a way that old and new friends can read up on what's going on in my brain.....super scary, right?

Here's the list:

1. List 20 Random facts about yourself.2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for

And up next......Day One......

Dead Ant.....dead ant....dead ant, dead ant, dead ant

Quick thought....

We have an ant problem in our house.  They are lined up across the kitchen to gain access to the dog food container (makes me feel like my food is no good since they chose to eat the dog food).

The University crow plan has inspired me.....

I need an Ant Task Force.

First order of business, to create ant effigies to deter the ants from marching one by one.

Secondly, we need a scare tactic.  I don't think bangers and screamers are necessary since I don't know how much (or if) ants hear.  

My vote is for a good can of ant killer.

Ant traps are already in place (but keep moving since we discovered one of the dogs likes to carry them around the house - he's okay and doesn't eat them....not quite sure why the dog is semi-suicidal)

Hopefully these ants, like the crows on campus, will relocate to a "better" marching area.  And they all go marching down.

A Rose by Any Other Name....

Or a flu by any other name.  

Recently we've had our fair share of flu scares.  Avian flu was such a hot flu bug and now we have Swine flu.  Swine flu is amusing, not because of the scare, but because of the name.  What's in a name, you ask dear Romeo?

Here's further proof that people will be offended by anything and everything.  Israeli officials are encouraging WHO (that's the World Health Organization, not the band or me yelling at you in all caps) to change the name because it is offensive to pork sensitive people (Muslims and Jews).  Seriously?  I mean, that's like an African American being offended that we call it the Black Plague.  

So, to help out WHO and to appease offended people everywhere, I offer up a few alternative names to this current scary flu bug....

FMD - Flu of Mass Destruction

Coodies (they're scary enough to make kids practice good hygiene)

Animal flu (let's just cover the whole genre here)

Blue Flu (I don't think anyone is offended by blue....except maybe Democrats.....but it rhymes)

Wilber Flu (offending Charlotte's Web fans everywhere)

Oink flu (because it would be funny to see TV people say Oink)

Porky flu ( you could argue it was for the movie and not for the meat)

The Flu that should not be named (a tribute to Harry Potter)

and the one I can't take credit for....

Mexican Flu (because we must choose who to offend - non-pork people or Mexicans)

It's not funny, but it is amusing.  So, make sure to wash your hands and don't go out in public if you're sick.  I don't want whatever this crap is called so keep your germs to yourself.  And, if Shakespeare were here I'm sure he'd agree "A flu by any other name is just as scary".

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30453557/

Weighing In

My Mii is overweight.  One could argue this is because I'm overweight.  This is frustrating because I gave birth to an 8lb. 13 oz. baby 8 weeks ago.  Too bad there isn't a way for me to tell the Wii scale that I still have some baby fat.  On the plus side, I'm losing weight rapidly and the little talking Wii Fit scale commends me for getting closer to my goal.  

How am I earning the praise of the talking Wii Fit scale?  I'm breastfeeding, carrying around my 12 lb. baby, walking the neighborhood, and watching the Tyra Banks show.

What? Tyra Banks?  How does Tyra inspire me?

Well....when she's not talking about how great she is or making people into supermodels for a day, the topic of her show seems to be about being fat and sex.  It's like a trainwreck....I can't stop watching.  On one episode women were extremely obese and their husbands/partners were turned on by feeding them.   This isn't just feeding them chocolate dipped strawberries or some other exciting food......nope....they feed them a whole box of doughnuts.  Or a whole chocolate cake.  I wish in my post-baby state that eating a piece of chocolate cake would be considered sexy.  But for me, I wouldn't just be eating chocolate cake.....I'd likely be in PJ's with spit up on my shirt.  Sexy, right?

Today's show was a kicker.  This couple has been married a year and have only had "married sex" 10 times.  Before they were married they had sex all the time - "Like 10 times a day".  Holy Moley!  And the guy said they had a game called "The Mission" (Yeah, this is already TMI for a daytime talk show....all this knowledge before noon....no proper southern girl would hear such talk).  On "The Mission" they would find a place to have sex in public and then go eat doughnuts when they were finished.  Now that they are married, the wife feels like she's not sexy anymore because of her weight (See...Tyra is all about talking about weight and sex).  I couldn't help laughing.....she's gained weight and that's not funny.  What's funny is they would have sex 10 times a day and celebrate afterwards by eating doughnuts.  Let's count this up, honey.....10 doughnuts a day = gaining weight = fat sex.  And if you're not into fat sex, maybe you should celebrate your recent escapade with a glass of water.  Or a piece of celery.  Mmm....sexy celery.

Thanks Tyra, for making me feel normal.  And thin.  And happy.  And a big weirdo for watching your show daily.

Thank goodness I'm going back to work....no more being sucked into the pit of daytime talk shows.

An Oyster of a Different Color

We have airline miles we need to use up. So, in our brainstorming session on where to go on vacation (soon to include traveling with a baby), the hubby exclaims "Let's go to Montana!". Well, thanks dear, that's random.

Well, maybe not so random. We have friends that live in Montana. Yellowstone and Glacier National Park would be beautiful to visit. These things would be great traveling with a 7 month old. We get to travel with a super cool kid (fingers crossed on the super cool) that has yet to form an opinion about what they want to do. Read: Kid should be content just hanging with mom and dad and checking out the new scenery.

Aside from visiting with friends, I decided to look at other fun and unique events that we could check out. I've found it. Seriously....the ultimate festival of festival. This would be one that you must, must, must buy a t-shirt for.....
The Testicle Festival!
I'm not kidding. Rocky Mountain Oysters at their finest. It's an adult party. I'm glad - I really don't want my child's first word to be "testicle" or "balls" or anything of the like. The website says it's not suitable for children under 21. Apparently 21 is a magical age that you all of the sudden become mature (someone memo the students on campus before they go get sloshed tonight).
The scariest detail.....
"2 and 1/2 TONS of this gourmet food served"

Double ewww!
And the email address is a scream : testyfesty

My vote is to stick with Glacier, play Settlers of Catan with our friends, and eat lots of salad!


http://visitmt.com/categories/moreinfo.asp?IDRRecordID=8897&SiteID=1

The BoobFairy

Anyone who can write a song about boobfairies, belly dancing, and fondue is AMAZING. We saw Dierdre Flint perform in State College over the summer.....only a few songs, but I can't get her out of my head. She's funny and witty and just peachy.....

http://www.deirdreflint.com/home.html

Check her out! She's performing in State College on New Years Eve as a part of First Night. I'm so there!

Whoa, Baby!!!!

I will be giving birth in the next 8 weeks.
This is such a strange statement. Why?
1. I feel like I'm entirely too young to have a kid (I'm not....my age, marital status, etc. are all in check)
2. I need about 2 years - not just 8 weeks - to feel like I'm organized for this event.
3. Is this really a statement where the word "give" is necessary? What am I giving? It's like a present to the kid....or a gift to me? I'm really weirded out by the term "give birth". ("Give Birth" freaks me out now...."Got Milk" makes me laugh at the moment)

Why would this amuse me? At this point in my well-rounded state, I'm easily amused and equally amazed by people being so freakin' excited about "giving birth". Seriously, people are really into this stuff. Me? I just want to know what the heck is going to happen, how to not freak out or beat up my husband, and what to do with the happy little kiddo when it gets here.

We're currently taking Childbirth Education classes. The plan was to find out the basics.....you know, the whole "What to Expect When You're Expecting" stuff and having a chance to meet other freaked out couples that are interested in talking about creative ways to put on socks or clean the bathtub (both of which are getting close to impossible for me to do on my own). But no, no, no....that is not the goal of Childbirth Education. The goal (from my POV and pregnancy grumpiness) is to make me watch videos of ugly people (circa 1984) giving birth and then try to convince me that I should just get in the shower instead of taking drugs. What? and Ewww! and WHAT?
To illustrate my point, I present the story of the Elk and the Epidural. I've tried to find some little snippet of this video to no avail. It's a story of a mother Elk - using her goddess powers from within - to give birth to her baby elk. But alas, she feels she needs an epidural. (Because it freakin' hurts!) The father Elk and the mouse doula consult with each other to make sure this is what she really wants. (Rule 1 - Never question the pregnant woman...or, um, Elk.) Once they give her the epidural, she must enter Cascade Falls because an epidural sets off a chain of interventions into the natural childbirth process. (I thought we were suppose to get in the shower...Cascade Falls seems like a good idea). The video ends with the entire class with their mouths hanging open. Perhaps some of them were in awe at this wonderful story. My feeling - most were thinking - "Dude, that would have been so much funnier with a beer!". And as a side note, this comes from from a group that call themselves "birth warriors". Wow!

The event of the Elk and the Epidural was a few weeks ago. I thought of it today because of another event happening at our local theatre. We have a showing of "Orgasmic Birth". Really? I'm in my 8 month of pregnancy and the two words I don't want to hear together are "Orgasmic" and "Birth". Here is my brief list of two words that I'd love to hear together.....
Orgasmic Cake
Orgasmic Smoothie
Quick Birth
Happy Birth

The movie "Orgasmic Birth" shows 11 couples giving birth (that's 11 more than I want to see). I can't even watch "A Baby Story" without crying or freaking out....I can't imagine watching 11 episodes back to back.

And did I mention that there will be no mirrors or video cameras in my "birthing room" with my "support person" (aka at the hospital with the hubby).

I'm not a cranky pregnant lady (most of the time) and I really do embrace my womanhood (I wanted to be She-ra growing up). However, I appreciate modern medicine and I have high respect for the doctors and nurses that will be helping our little kiddo come into the world. You never realize how polarizing opinions can be until you throw yourself into the middle of it all. At this point in my roundness, it's very hard (literally and figuratively) to sit on the fence.

We still have more Childbirth Education to come - Hit me, Baby, One More Time!
(PS - Kudos B. Spears on turning 27 and starting to act like it - You're not a girl....and after having 2 kids, you've rocketed to Womanhood)