Anyone who can write a song about boobfairies, belly dancing, and fondue is AMAZING. We saw Dierdre Flint perform in State College over the summer.....only a few songs, but I can't get her out of my head. She's funny and witty and just peachy.....
http://www.deirdreflint.com/home.html
Check her out! She's performing in State College on New Years Eve as a part of First Night. I'm so there!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Whoa, Baby!!!!
I will be giving birth in the next 8 weeks.
This is such a strange statement. Why?
1. I feel like I'm entirely too young to have a kid (I'm not....my age, marital status, etc. are all in check)
2. I need about 2 years - not just 8 weeks - to feel like I'm organized for this event.
3. Is this really a statement where the word "give" is necessary? What am I giving? It's like a present to the kid....or a gift to me? I'm really weirded out by the term "give birth". ("Give Birth" freaks me out now...."Got Milk" makes me laugh at the moment)
Why would this amuse me? At this point in my well-rounded state, I'm easily amused and equally amazed by people being so freakin' excited about "giving birth". Seriously, people are really into this stuff. Me? I just want to know what the heck is going to happen, how to not freak out or beat up my husband, and what to do with the happy little kiddo when it gets here.
We're currently taking Childbirth Education classes. The plan was to find out the basics.....you know, the whole "What to Expect When You're Expecting" stuff and having a chance to meet other freaked out couples that are interested in talking about creative ways to put on socks or clean the bathtub (both of which are getting close to impossible for me to do on my own). But no, no, no....that is not the goal of Childbirth Education. The goal (from my POV and pregnancy grumpiness) is to make me watch videos of ugly people (circa 1984) giving birth and then try to convince me that I should just get in the shower instead of taking drugs. What? and Ewww! and WHAT?
To illustrate my point, I present the story of the Elk and the Epidural. I've tried to find some little snippet of this video to no avail. It's a story of a mother Elk - using her goddess powers from within - to give birth to her baby elk. But alas, she feels she needs an epidural. (Because it freakin' hurts!) The father Elk and the mouse doula consult with each other to make sure this is what she really wants. (Rule 1 - Never question the pregnant woman...or, um, Elk.) Once they give her the epidural, she must enter Cascade Falls because an epidural sets off a chain of interventions into the natural childbirth process. (I thought we were suppose to get in the shower...Cascade Falls seems like a good idea). The video ends with the entire class with their mouths hanging open. Perhaps some of them were in awe at this wonderful story. My feeling - most were thinking - "Dude, that would have been so much funnier with a beer!". And as a side note, this comes from from a group that call themselves "birth warriors". Wow!
The event of the Elk and the Epidural was a few weeks ago. I thought of it today because of another event happening at our local theatre. We have a showing of "Orgasmic Birth". Really? I'm in my 8 month of pregnancy and the two words I don't want to hear together are "Orgasmic" and "Birth". Here is my brief list of two words that I'd love to hear together.....
Orgasmic Cake
Orgasmic Smoothie
Quick Birth
Happy Birth
The movie "Orgasmic Birth" shows 11 couples giving birth (that's 11 more than I want to see). I can't even watch "A Baby Story" without crying or freaking out....I can't imagine watching 11 episodes back to back.
And did I mention that there will be no mirrors or video cameras in my "birthing room" with my "support person" (aka at the hospital with the hubby).
I'm not a cranky pregnant lady (most of the time) and I really do embrace my womanhood (I wanted to be She-ra growing up). However, I appreciate modern medicine and I have high respect for the doctors and nurses that will be helping our little kiddo come into the world. You never realize how polarizing opinions can be until you throw yourself into the middle of it all. At this point in my roundness, it's very hard (literally and figuratively) to sit on the fence.
We still have more Childbirth Education to come - Hit me, Baby, One More Time!
(PS - Kudos B. Spears on turning 27 and starting to act like it - You're not a girl....and after having 2 kids, you've rocketed to Womanhood)
This is such a strange statement. Why?
1. I feel like I'm entirely too young to have a kid (I'm not....my age, marital status, etc. are all in check)
2. I need about 2 years - not just 8 weeks - to feel like I'm organized for this event.
3. Is this really a statement where the word "give" is necessary? What am I giving? It's like a present to the kid....or a gift to me? I'm really weirded out by the term "give birth". ("Give Birth" freaks me out now...."Got Milk" makes me laugh at the moment)
Why would this amuse me? At this point in my well-rounded state, I'm easily amused and equally amazed by people being so freakin' excited about "giving birth". Seriously, people are really into this stuff. Me? I just want to know what the heck is going to happen, how to not freak out or beat up my husband, and what to do with the happy little kiddo when it gets here.
We're currently taking Childbirth Education classes. The plan was to find out the basics.....you know, the whole "What to Expect When You're Expecting" stuff and having a chance to meet other freaked out couples that are interested in talking about creative ways to put on socks or clean the bathtub (both of which are getting close to impossible for me to do on my own). But no, no, no....that is not the goal of Childbirth Education. The goal (from my POV and pregnancy grumpiness) is to make me watch videos of ugly people (circa 1984) giving birth and then try to convince me that I should just get in the shower instead of taking drugs. What? and Ewww! and WHAT?
To illustrate my point, I present the story of the Elk and the Epidural. I've tried to find some little snippet of this video to no avail. It's a story of a mother Elk - using her goddess powers from within - to give birth to her baby elk. But alas, she feels she needs an epidural. (Because it freakin' hurts!) The father Elk and the mouse doula consult with each other to make sure this is what she really wants. (Rule 1 - Never question the pregnant woman...or, um, Elk.) Once they give her the epidural, she must enter Cascade Falls because an epidural sets off a chain of interventions into the natural childbirth process. (I thought we were suppose to get in the shower...Cascade Falls seems like a good idea). The video ends with the entire class with their mouths hanging open. Perhaps some of them were in awe at this wonderful story. My feeling - most were thinking - "Dude, that would have been so much funnier with a beer!". And as a side note, this comes from from a group that call themselves "birth warriors". Wow!
The event of the Elk and the Epidural was a few weeks ago. I thought of it today because of another event happening at our local theatre. We have a showing of "Orgasmic Birth". Really? I'm in my 8 month of pregnancy and the two words I don't want to hear together are "Orgasmic" and "Birth". Here is my brief list of two words that I'd love to hear together.....
Orgasmic Cake
Orgasmic Smoothie
Quick Birth
Happy Birth
The movie "Orgasmic Birth" shows 11 couples giving birth (that's 11 more than I want to see). I can't even watch "A Baby Story" without crying or freaking out....I can't imagine watching 11 episodes back to back.
And did I mention that there will be no mirrors or video cameras in my "birthing room" with my "support person" (aka at the hospital with the hubby).
I'm not a cranky pregnant lady (most of the time) and I really do embrace my womanhood (I wanted to be She-ra growing up). However, I appreciate modern medicine and I have high respect for the doctors and nurses that will be helping our little kiddo come into the world. You never realize how polarizing opinions can be until you throw yourself into the middle of it all. At this point in my roundness, it's very hard (literally and figuratively) to sit on the fence.
We still have more Childbirth Education to come - Hit me, Baby, One More Time!
(PS - Kudos B. Spears on turning 27 and starting to act like it - You're not a girl....and after having 2 kids, you've rocketed to Womanhood)
Friday, November 21, 2008
Don't You Crrryyy Tonight
We all have a reason to smile in the November Rain - we can all get a free soda. And not just any soda - one of the best sodas - Dr. Pepper.
Dr. Pepper announced they will be issuing coupons for a free 20 oz. beverage to make good on their word that everyone would get a soda if Guns n Roses dropped their album in 2008.
Check it out: http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20081024/en_music_eo/65504
And as a side note, when did dirty Axl Rose start looking more like Carrot Top? The down and dirty, leather wearing, long hair screamer from the past is back as a middle age man with some weight to him. This just totally ruins the mental image I have every time I roller skate to Paradise City. Oh wait....I'm just a married, pregnant chic now (Oh, Sweet Child 'O Mine).....I guess long gone are my days of ripped jeans and body suits. I guess I haven't roller skated to Paradise City since Axl paired red bandannas with leather pants.
Welcome to the jungle....we've got fun and games....and free Dr. Peppers!
Dr. Pepper announced they will be issuing coupons for a free 20 oz. beverage to make good on their word that everyone would get a soda if Guns n Roses dropped their album in 2008.
Check it out: http://news.yahoo.com/s/eonline/20081024/en_music_eo/65504
And as a side note, when did dirty Axl Rose start looking more like Carrot Top? The down and dirty, leather wearing, long hair screamer from the past is back as a middle age man with some weight to him. This just totally ruins the mental image I have every time I roller skate to Paradise City. Oh wait....I'm just a married, pregnant chic now (Oh, Sweet Child 'O Mine).....I guess long gone are my days of ripped jeans and body suits. I guess I haven't roller skated to Paradise City since Axl paired red bandannas with leather pants.
Welcome to the jungle....we've got fun and games....and free Dr. Peppers!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Birds, The Birds
There is a problem at my place of employment. The problem is so huge, in fact, that a special taskforce with the Office of the Physical Plant that has been charged with correcting this problem.
Crows. That's right - crows are apparently taking over. (Hitchcock would be proud and highly amused, I'm sure). I get an email yesterday informing all employees of the procedures involved in "relocating" the birds.
It's not funny that we have a bird problem. It's not funny that they are relocating the birds. What is funny is imagining the taskforce doing what they must do to get the birds to relocate. This amazing group will hence be fondly referred to (by me) as CRAs - Crow Relocation Assistants.
The charge to the CRA is to relocate the crows. The methods of relocation include (as quoted from the official email from my employer):
1. The use of pyrotechnic noisemakers called "bangers" and "screamers" by carefully trained employees.
2. The hanging of dead crow effigies to dissuade the crows from returning.
3. The declaration of "non-roosting" zones in designated areas to promote more sanitary conditions.
At first, this email frightened me as I imagined large fireworks freaking out large flocks of crows that will decide to re-roost, no doubt, on my car. To escape them, I must run across campus (to find a phone booth to hide in, of course) past all of the hanging crow carcasses. Once I receive an email, (hmmm....how will I get the email in my phone booth hideout?) I can find comfort in leisurely walking through a new crow free zone including a slew of "No Roosting" signs - those signs oughta scare 'em off.
I'm waiting for the second phase of the taskforce - the CTP (Crow Ticketing Patrol) to issue tickets to those unruly crows that dare disregard our No Roosting areas. Shame, crows, shame!
After my initial 2.7 seconds of fright, the entire situation became much more amusing. I found myself jealous. Not of these wonderfully trained CRA agents - no, no, no. I was extremely jealous of the employee that was fortunate enough to generate this mass email. They were charged with making a group of crow scarer-off'ers with loud fireworks running around town hanging up dead crows from trees sound like a professional group instead of a group of drunk students on Halloween weekend. Bravo, writer-upper of the mass email - you've successfully amused everyone.
And, by the way, what ever happened to a classic scarecrow? Isn't that their job? I guess he's in the unemployment line with most Americans - his job has been replaced. Or maybe he just quit. If I were a scarecrow and CRA's were around me with pyrotechnic bangers, I sure as hell would quit. I believe they call that a "hostile work environment".
Bye, Bye Blackbird!
Crows. That's right - crows are apparently taking over. (Hitchcock would be proud and highly amused, I'm sure). I get an email yesterday informing all employees of the procedures involved in "relocating" the birds.
It's not funny that we have a bird problem. It's not funny that they are relocating the birds. What is funny is imagining the taskforce doing what they must do to get the birds to relocate. This amazing group will hence be fondly referred to (by me) as CRAs - Crow Relocation Assistants.
The charge to the CRA is to relocate the crows. The methods of relocation include (as quoted from the official email from my employer):
1. The use of pyrotechnic noisemakers called "bangers" and "screamers" by carefully trained employees.
2. The hanging of dead crow effigies to dissuade the crows from returning.
3. The declaration of "non-roosting" zones in designated areas to promote more sanitary conditions.
At first, this email frightened me as I imagined large fireworks freaking out large flocks of crows that will decide to re-roost, no doubt, on my car. To escape them, I must run across campus (to find a phone booth to hide in, of course) past all of the hanging crow carcasses. Once I receive an email, (hmmm....how will I get the email in my phone booth hideout?) I can find comfort in leisurely walking through a new crow free zone including a slew of "No Roosting" signs - those signs oughta scare 'em off.
I'm waiting for the second phase of the taskforce - the CTP (Crow Ticketing Patrol) to issue tickets to those unruly crows that dare disregard our No Roosting areas. Shame, crows, shame!
After my initial 2.7 seconds of fright, the entire situation became much more amusing. I found myself jealous. Not of these wonderfully trained CRA agents - no, no, no. I was extremely jealous of the employee that was fortunate enough to generate this mass email. They were charged with making a group of crow scarer-off'ers with loud fireworks running around town hanging up dead crows from trees sound like a professional group instead of a group of drunk students on Halloween weekend. Bravo, writer-upper of the mass email - you've successfully amused everyone.
And, by the way, what ever happened to a classic scarecrow? Isn't that their job? I guess he's in the unemployment line with most Americans - his job has been replaced. Or maybe he just quit. If I were a scarecrow and CRA's were around me with pyrotechnic bangers, I sure as hell would quit. I believe they call that a "hostile work environment".
Bye, Bye Blackbird!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Just Get on the Floor and do the New Kids Dance
Don't worry 'bout nothing cuz it won't take long!
Yes, they've put me in a trance with a funky song. My childhood crushes have decided to reunite for a reunion tour. It has been 15 years since I cried over how beautiful Jordan Knight is and at least that long since I grabbed my belt buckle and swung my legs side to side to do "The Right Stuff" dance. Being a child of the late '80s and early '90s in a southern city suburb means that I was head over heels for New Kids on the Block. Recently they announced their reunion tour which includes a little of the old stuff and some of the new - but for me, it's all the right stuff. After discovering a news article about them, I launched myself into a mad search for all things NKOTB. I started humming "Popsicle" at work.....for those of you that missed those brilliant lyrics, it goes a little something like - "You're my popsicle. From the first time I met you girl, you captured me. Sweeter than candy, better than cake - and everytime we kiss it feels oh so great!" Seriously! Who wouldn't swoon hearing a boy sing this with notes higher than I can sing now. *Sigh*
I'm just giddy over the whole thing! The only bad part is all of my New Kids swag is gone (and likely too small anyway). Oh, how I miss my florescent colored hats and shirts proudly displaying which member of the boy band that I most desired (I will fight forever that Jordan was the best!). My only souvenirs are cassette tapes (from the self-titled album to Step by Step) and two VHS's that are somewhere at my parents house (crossing my fingers that they didn't jump into the last yard sale pile).
And here's one to bring a tear to your eye (or mine at least): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLhSHktuZGw
My Jordan professing his undying love to me - yep, just me. And you must check out the rat-tails on these guys! Wow!
Oh my NKOTB, You've got the right stuff, baby. Love the way you turn me on. And I sure do love the way you bring me to tears 15 years after I stalked you all.
I'll be loving you, New Kids on the Block, FOREVER!
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids Dance - elbow thrust to the right, elbow thrust to the left, pelvic thrust. Get loose everybody cuz they're going to do their thing!
Yes, they've put me in a trance with a funky song. My childhood crushes have decided to reunite for a reunion tour. It has been 15 years since I cried over how beautiful Jordan Knight is and at least that long since I grabbed my belt buckle and swung my legs side to side to do "The Right Stuff" dance. Being a child of the late '80s and early '90s in a southern city suburb means that I was head over heels for New Kids on the Block. Recently they announced their reunion tour which includes a little of the old stuff and some of the new - but for me, it's all the right stuff. After discovering a news article about them, I launched myself into a mad search for all things NKOTB. I started humming "Popsicle" at work.....for those of you that missed those brilliant lyrics, it goes a little something like - "You're my popsicle. From the first time I met you girl, you captured me. Sweeter than candy, better than cake - and everytime we kiss it feels oh so great!" Seriously! Who wouldn't swoon hearing a boy sing this with notes higher than I can sing now. *Sigh*
I'm just giddy over the whole thing! The only bad part is all of my New Kids swag is gone (and likely too small anyway). Oh, how I miss my florescent colored hats and shirts proudly displaying which member of the boy band that I most desired (I will fight forever that Jordan was the best!). My only souvenirs are cassette tapes (from the self-titled album to Step by Step) and two VHS's that are somewhere at my parents house (crossing my fingers that they didn't jump into the last yard sale pile).
And here's one to bring a tear to your eye (or mine at least): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLhSHktuZGw
My Jordan professing his undying love to me - yep, just me. And you must check out the rat-tails on these guys! Wow!
Oh my NKOTB, You've got the right stuff, baby. Love the way you turn me on. And I sure do love the way you bring me to tears 15 years after I stalked you all.
I'll be loving you, New Kids on the Block, FOREVER!
Just get on the floor and do the New Kids Dance - elbow thrust to the right, elbow thrust to the left, pelvic thrust. Get loose everybody cuz they're going to do their thing!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Cuz you had a bad day....
Everyone has had a bad day, right? Last week I was having the motherload of bad days and one thing after another kept blowing up in my face. At some point people are either driven to madness or just sit around and cry a river. I had a very different experience. After spilling coffee on my white sweater (which can thankfully be washed at work in the theatre laundry room), losing a UPS package, forgetting my cell phone, and numerous other little things, my level of frustration was so high that I was going to burst.
Then the phone rings.....
I'm talking with a student that has some random question (I was asked if I knew were a ladder was that someone could carry across town - what??). I tell her that I'll need to transfer her over to someone else and the line goes dead. At first I thought she'd hung up on me - how dare she! but then I realized that I was no longer attached to my phone. The entire phone cord fell out and I was left holding the handset of the phone. My frustration bubble popped when I started laughing....it was the icing on the cake.
And today I get to work and discover that someone took my good pen. I can tell already that I'm going to need something to blow up or fall down or break just to give me a good laugh today.
Blue skies are going to clear up......
Then the phone rings.....
I'm talking with a student that has some random question (I was asked if I knew were a ladder was that someone could carry across town - what??). I tell her that I'll need to transfer her over to someone else and the line goes dead. At first I thought she'd hung up on me - how dare she! but then I realized that I was no longer attached to my phone. The entire phone cord fell out and I was left holding the handset of the phone. My frustration bubble popped when I started laughing....it was the icing on the cake.
And today I get to work and discover that someone took my good pen. I can tell already that I'm going to need something to blow up or fall down or break just to give me a good laugh today.
Blue skies are going to clear up......
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
In Sync
I am indeed a horrible, miserable person.
This headline made me laugh hysterically:
"Teen Synchronized Swimmers Faint, at the Same Time"
Why, you may ask, is this funny? More importantly, why do I feel guilty for laughing? (If you were asking the second question, kudos - you're already on my side).
I've gotten many an email with listings of things to ponder....you know...the ones about why you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway. And how it is impossible to lick your elbow. And more importantly, that a pig's orgasm lasts for like 30 minutes. It's one of those emails that you always laugh at and then you may pass it on. Which goes back to my email forwarding theory - when I get a forward from someone, I will bet money that the other chronic forwarders in my family will send me the same thing in a matter of 5 hours. The result - 10 emails about poopy being on lemons on your iced tea in restaurants.
Back to In Sync.....the most recent email I got with these strange ponderings involved synchronized swimming. Not only is synchronized swimming one of the funniest things ever, it's also weird to watch people do the same thing at the same time. It's like looking into a kaleidoscope...you just can help yourself. So, if one person goofs up, do they all goof up? Apparently so.
So, I'm not a bad person. I'm glad these girls are ok. But, let's face it, it is funny that they all did it at the same time while participating in an activity that involves everyone doing the same thing at the same time.
Bye, bye, bye.
This headline made me laugh hysterically:
"Teen Synchronized Swimmers Faint, at the Same Time"
Why, you may ask, is this funny? More importantly, why do I feel guilty for laughing? (If you were asking the second question, kudos - you're already on my side).
I've gotten many an email with listings of things to ponder....you know...the ones about why you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway. And how it is impossible to lick your elbow. And more importantly, that a pig's orgasm lasts for like 30 minutes. It's one of those emails that you always laugh at and then you may pass it on. Which goes back to my email forwarding theory - when I get a forward from someone, I will bet money that the other chronic forwarders in my family will send me the same thing in a matter of 5 hours. The result - 10 emails about poopy being on lemons on your iced tea in restaurants.
Back to In Sync.....the most recent email I got with these strange ponderings involved synchronized swimming. Not only is synchronized swimming one of the funniest things ever, it's also weird to watch people do the same thing at the same time. It's like looking into a kaleidoscope...you just can help yourself. So, if one person goofs up, do they all goof up? Apparently so.
So, I'm not a bad person. I'm glad these girls are ok. But, let's face it, it is funny that they all did it at the same time while participating in an activity that involves everyone doing the same thing at the same time.
Bye, bye, bye.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Comeback Kid
Two things have happened to me this week that I now have the best comeback for. Unfortunately, these moments are now gone and I have the perfect comeback for situations that I hope will never happen to me again.
Sometimes I wish I was the 12 year old girl that could get by on the classic comeback "Yo Mama". Or my best comeback, "Oh yeah," (tosses hair, puts hand on hip, does neckroll), "So?".
Today I was dropping off more stuff I don't need at Goodwill. The drop off for our Goodwill is behind the store, on broken pavement, and between dumpsters. The great part about dropping off things at Goodwill is 1) the tax write off and 2) they are always playing Classic Rock, which really makes you want to jam out while your unloading your crap. The bad part is that the drop off location looks more like a crack rock pick up location. So, I unloaded my crap to some great Lynard Skynard song, got my little tax write off slip, and walked back to my car. This elderly lady (yes, I'm being polite....I really want to call a spade a spade here), got out of her car and said to me "Well, that's a dumb place to park". In the 3 seconds it took me to respond, I had about 55 combinations of curse words go through my mind. What I ended up saying was "I'm sorry (doh! Why was I apologizing?), I'm moving my car now if you'd like to take my spot". I got in my car, slammed the door, and coaxed my middle finger to remain wrapped around the steering wheel. What a jerk! I mean bitch.....I mean *Holey-Moley Who Put A Corn Cob Up Your Butt*. I almost turned the car around to tell that rude woman how....well, rude she is. But no comeback came to me. Two hours later, I'm still angry at this stupid woman for making an unnecessary comment and ruining my Target shopping experience. Of course, that's when what I should have said to her came to me - "Hi, I'm Amber and I'm so sorry that I forgot that my entire existence is to accommodate you. I will sincerely try to work on this in the future. In the meantime, your options are to move your beautiful car into a more accommodating area of this crappy parking lot, or wait until I move so that you can have the princess parking you so deserve". And, of course, if she didn't get the sarcasm in my tone (how could you miss it?), I could break it down for her - "Good Gosh, Bitch! Get over yourself."
And so, this leads me to keep to my new school comebacks that I want to use so badly, but remember them so far after the fact:
1. Get over yourself
2. Oh, I forgot everything was about you.
3. Crap, I hate when I forget that you are the center of the universe.
4. Because it's your job (I have used this a lot at work)
5. (The best one!) Bite me!
So, eat my shorts, kiss my grits, and go take a long walk off a short pier - you jerkface woman at Goodwill. I hope they just throw all your crap in the dumpster!
Honk, Honk, Rattle, Rattle
So, driving to work this week I saw a group of young girls standing on the corner. Geez, man, get your mind out of the gutter. These girls were probably my age (mid-late 20's) and were jumping around with Hillary signs. One of the signs was particularly amusing to me....."Honk for Hillary". Why was this amusing? For one, no one was honking. This wasn't entirely strange, since I assume many people are like me and flip-flop between these two democratic candidates. I don't feel there is a lack of support for Hillary in Central PA - which brings me to the second reason this moment amused me. My peer group of Hillary supporters decided that the best possible place in my town to hold up a Honk sign is on the corner of, possibly, the busiest intersection in my itty-bitty town. At this one stop light at 7:45am, there are 14 driving lanes of traffic (counting turn lanes) that are waiting for the light to change so they can zoom off (at the racing speed of 35 mph) to get to their 8am jobs.
So, can you picture it? What would happen if we had 14 lanes of traffic at 7:45am on a freezing cold Central PA day all honking at each other? Seriously!
Middle fingers would be flying freely.
Honk for safe driving. And, at 7:45am, here's a Honk for really good coffee!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Oh My God! They Killed.......
No, not Kenny. The Easter Bunny. Yep, that's right. I just had the strangest Easter Sunday ever! It was strange for so many reasons.....and now, I will attempt to articulate the strangeness.
First, Easter weekend started with a beautiful blanket of snow in our yard. That's right - 5 inches of stupid snow on Easter. After the hubby shoveled the sidewalk and the deck (so our tee-tiny dogs could go out and potty), we started in on our Easter festivities. I baked Amish Friendship bread and poured Limoncello on fruit while practicing how to speak Italian on my ipod in the kitchen. The pups waited for me to drop food and hubby was up in the attic rewiring the house. Our Easter lunch was scheduled to start at 1:00pm at our friend's house down the street. So at 1:15 (fashionably late) we loaded up the goods and headed down the street of our little village. (Note: Yet again I walked the streets with an open bottle of alcohol to go to our friend's house - it wouldn't be normal if I didn't).
We arrive at a wonderful dinner with good food and good conversation. Yeah....life is great.
The anticipation in the room started to grow as it got closer to the popular egg hunt. The older adults went outside to hide the eggs while the younger adults sat inside, ate fun dip, and drank beer.
Let me clarify the people involved in this Easter celebration. At 27 years old, I am one of the youngest at the party. The oldest is 81. Those over the age of 40 are hiding the eggs and those of us 25-40 are participating in the hunt.
So, the hunt begins and we all ran screaming to find the eggs. My hubby has a history of injuring himself on the egg hunt. A few years ago he scratched his eye diving into a bush to get an egg. This year, his thumb suffered an injury.
One of the eggs had a yellow post-it note that said "Winner!". This lucky individual received a chocolate peanut butter egg from a local chocolate shop. The lucky individual this year was me! Woohoo! Everyone was bummed that they didn't win, except for hubby who asked if he could take half of my winnings. I guess that's how a happy marriage works right - if I win a big hunkin' chocolate peanut butter egg, we split 50/50.
The next activity involved a beautiful hollow chocolate bunny named The Professor. At some point during the day, The Professor had been lynched and was hanging from a noose on the side of an old barn. Whatever are we to do? One suggestion was to throw darts at him.....someone else suggested golf balls.....and then someone brilliantly shouted "We should peg 'em with snowball". I mean, seriously, when could you ever peg a chocolate easter bunny with real snow balls?
We all start throwing snowballs at this poor lynched chocolate bunny. What must the neighbors think?
I don't know how it happened, but someone knocked the head off! The chocolate bunny was hanging on by one little sugary thread! We all move in closer and we continue to throw snowballs. And Score! I nailed the hollow bunny body and he fell to the ground. Oh-no! What have we done? We have to do something to the body so the dog doesn't eat the chocolate. One of the "dads" in the group steps out of the crowd and says "I have a firecracker in my pocket. Let's see if it'll blow up!". So, as the crowd backs away, two brave souls light the firecracker and place the hollow bunny head on top of the firecracker. The first time the head didn't stay in place so there was no explosion. The second try produced satisfying results. They lit the firecracker, placed the hollow chocolate bunny head on it, and we all held our breath in anticipation. About 10 seconds later the chocolate bunny head exploded in a million pieces! "I feel like we're on myth busters!" Someone shouted. "That was the wickedness Christmas EVER!" Someone else shouted. And then everyone stopped to ponder why she said Christmas and not Easter.
I should mention at this point that we are not drunk while doing this. I can see how it would be easy to say - Man, those people must be lit! But, this is not the case. In fact, only about 3 of us (out of 20 or so) had even had anything to drink at all. Which is why this story is freaking hilarious!
Back to the exploded bunny. We walked around trying to pick up our mess - again, so the dog doesn't find and eat the chocolate. Someone says, "We need to bury it".
So, we begin the chocolate bunny funeral service. "Ashes to Ashes, Confection to Confection". Someone starts in on a funeral hymn, which is cut off by someone singing a soulful version of "Here comes Peter Cottontail". My The Professor Chocolate Bunny and all his pieces Rest In Peace.
How could we possibly top this? Here's where we bring a little bit of Martha in. We managed to get into a discussion about eggs, dying easter eggs, and blowing eggs. Blowing eggs? What does this mean? "It's all legit...I saw it on Martha Stewart". We must try this! Thus begins the hour long activity of sticking a needle into both ends of an egg and attempting to "blow it's guts out". It is one of the nastiest, funniest things I have ever seen. It is so strange to sit around a table of adults cheering on "egg blowers" and celebrating when the egg has been blown out or blows up (on a person's face -yak!).
And after all that excitement, I went home and did laundry. I also cleaned my living room, organized my paperwork for a board meeting, and organized my sock drawer. What an uneventful way to end one of the zaniest days ever!
And, I know what you're thinking now - "And then I woke up!". But, No! This was not a dream....my dream this weekend was much stranger. I dreamed that we were traveling to England on the Queen Mary 2 with two of our dogs and we got lost in the Bermuda Triangle. Seriously, sometimes real life is better than fiction!
Here's to many more egg hunts, chocolate bunny snowball targets, and egg blowing contests. Cheers!
First, Easter weekend started with a beautiful blanket of snow in our yard. That's right - 5 inches of stupid snow on Easter. After the hubby shoveled the sidewalk and the deck (so our tee-tiny dogs could go out and potty), we started in on our Easter festivities. I baked Amish Friendship bread and poured Limoncello on fruit while practicing how to speak Italian on my ipod in the kitchen. The pups waited for me to drop food and hubby was up in the attic rewiring the house. Our Easter lunch was scheduled to start at 1:00pm at our friend's house down the street. So at 1:15 (fashionably late) we loaded up the goods and headed down the street of our little village. (Note: Yet again I walked the streets with an open bottle of alcohol to go to our friend's house - it wouldn't be normal if I didn't).
We arrive at a wonderful dinner with good food and good conversation. Yeah....life is great.
The anticipation in the room started to grow as it got closer to the popular egg hunt. The older adults went outside to hide the eggs while the younger adults sat inside, ate fun dip, and drank beer.
Let me clarify the people involved in this Easter celebration. At 27 years old, I am one of the youngest at the party. The oldest is 81. Those over the age of 40 are hiding the eggs and those of us 25-40 are participating in the hunt.
So, the hunt begins and we all ran screaming to find the eggs. My hubby has a history of injuring himself on the egg hunt. A few years ago he scratched his eye diving into a bush to get an egg. This year, his thumb suffered an injury.
One of the eggs had a yellow post-it note that said "Winner!". This lucky individual received a chocolate peanut butter egg from a local chocolate shop. The lucky individual this year was me! Woohoo! Everyone was bummed that they didn't win, except for hubby who asked if he could take half of my winnings. I guess that's how a happy marriage works right - if I win a big hunkin' chocolate peanut butter egg, we split 50/50.
The next activity involved a beautiful hollow chocolate bunny named The Professor. At some point during the day, The Professor had been lynched and was hanging from a noose on the side of an old barn. Whatever are we to do? One suggestion was to throw darts at him.....someone else suggested golf balls.....and then someone brilliantly shouted "We should peg 'em with snowball". I mean, seriously, when could you ever peg a chocolate easter bunny with real snow balls?
We all start throwing snowballs at this poor lynched chocolate bunny. What must the neighbors think?
I don't know how it happened, but someone knocked the head off! The chocolate bunny was hanging on by one little sugary thread! We all move in closer and we continue to throw snowballs. And Score! I nailed the hollow bunny body and he fell to the ground. Oh-no! What have we done? We have to do something to the body so the dog doesn't eat the chocolate. One of the "dads" in the group steps out of the crowd and says "I have a firecracker in my pocket. Let's see if it'll blow up!". So, as the crowd backs away, two brave souls light the firecracker and place the hollow bunny head on top of the firecracker. The first time the head didn't stay in place so there was no explosion. The second try produced satisfying results. They lit the firecracker, placed the hollow chocolate bunny head on it, and we all held our breath in anticipation. About 10 seconds later the chocolate bunny head exploded in a million pieces! "I feel like we're on myth busters!" Someone shouted. "That was the wickedness Christmas EVER!" Someone else shouted. And then everyone stopped to ponder why she said Christmas and not Easter.
I should mention at this point that we are not drunk while doing this. I can see how it would be easy to say - Man, those people must be lit! But, this is not the case. In fact, only about 3 of us (out of 20 or so) had even had anything to drink at all. Which is why this story is freaking hilarious!
Back to the exploded bunny. We walked around trying to pick up our mess - again, so the dog doesn't find and eat the chocolate. Someone says, "We need to bury it".
So, we begin the chocolate bunny funeral service. "Ashes to Ashes, Confection to Confection". Someone starts in on a funeral hymn, which is cut off by someone singing a soulful version of "Here comes Peter Cottontail". My The Professor Chocolate Bunny and all his pieces Rest In Peace.
How could we possibly top this? Here's where we bring a little bit of Martha in. We managed to get into a discussion about eggs, dying easter eggs, and blowing eggs. Blowing eggs? What does this mean? "It's all legit...I saw it on Martha Stewart". We must try this! Thus begins the hour long activity of sticking a needle into both ends of an egg and attempting to "blow it's guts out". It is one of the nastiest, funniest things I have ever seen. It is so strange to sit around a table of adults cheering on "egg blowers" and celebrating when the egg has been blown out or blows up (on a person's face -yak!).
And after all that excitement, I went home and did laundry. I also cleaned my living room, organized my paperwork for a board meeting, and organized my sock drawer. What an uneventful way to end one of the zaniest days ever!
And, I know what you're thinking now - "And then I woke up!". But, No! This was not a dream....my dream this weekend was much stranger. I dreamed that we were traveling to England on the Queen Mary 2 with two of our dogs and we got lost in the Bermuda Triangle. Seriously, sometimes real life is better than fiction!
Here's to many more egg hunts, chocolate bunny snowball targets, and egg blowing contests. Cheers!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
For the love of Peep!
In honor of Easter candy (and to celebrate the wonders of the microwave), I found myself in a discussion about putting random things - like peeps - into the microwave. While I would never-ever-ever do this in my own microwave, I find it highly amusing to watch other people do it. The peeps exploding are hilarious, but check out the other random things hanging out in the microwave. I mean, seriously, people - who thinks of these things? (Thank you random person for thinking of these things - you've been my source of amusement for the past hour).
http://microwavecam.com/microwavecam/index.htm
If the videos don't show up, you can do a search in youtube. The peeps are definitely worth a look. I laughed like a hyena on Lion King when the things exploded. It's kindof like the joy I get from popping bubble wrap or squishing packing peanuts.....you know what I mean.
Maybe this stems from some childhood trauma (don't they all, Oediupus?). I have a memory of my uncle making popcorn at Christmas and it caught fire. I remember the way the microwave looked and the way my mom had decorated the kitchen....everything is very vivid. I remember being terrified that the microwave would randomly catch fire and burn down my house. (Ya see, I have the fear of my house catching fire and I can't get everyone and everything out. Similarly, my sister has a dream about tornadoes where she tries to get all of us into a safe place in the house. I wonder what Freud would say?). Anywho, I've always been fascinated by a machine that magically heats, pops, melts, and randomly catches fire.
P.S. No peeps were harmed in the writing of this post.
Hail to the Peeps!
http://microwavecam.com/microwavecam/index.htm
If the videos don't show up, you can do a search in youtube. The peeps are definitely worth a look. I laughed like a hyena on Lion King when the things exploded. It's kindof like the joy I get from popping bubble wrap or squishing packing peanuts.....you know what I mean.
Maybe this stems from some childhood trauma (don't they all, Oediupus?). I have a memory of my uncle making popcorn at Christmas and it caught fire. I remember the way the microwave looked and the way my mom had decorated the kitchen....everything is very vivid. I remember being terrified that the microwave would randomly catch fire and burn down my house. (Ya see, I have the fear of my house catching fire and I can't get everyone and everything out. Similarly, my sister has a dream about tornadoes where she tries to get all of us into a safe place in the house. I wonder what Freud would say?). Anywho, I've always been fascinated by a machine that magically heats, pops, melts, and randomly catches fire.
P.S. No peeps were harmed in the writing of this post.
Hail to the Peeps!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Mother Earth is One Tough Mama
In our egocentric human mind, it's hard to think of how the earth could possibly go on without us. Surprise - she does.....and on top of that, she thrives!! With the exception of small domestic animals (my precious little toy dogs!), everything else seems to just go on without us.
This is a lengthy video, but worth the time......check it out:
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread335227/pg1
The critique that many point out is "what will we do with all the human bodies"? I don't think this was intended to show what would happen if we all just died (if that interests you, see: Stephen King's "The Stand").
Another critique is that this is just fueling the whole Left Behind idea of the Christian Rapture......ummm, not really. The Rapture doesn't just take everyone off the earth, many are Left Behind (hence the title of the series, brush up your Revelations!).
Of course, the idea of the world in a post-apocalyptic setting has been the subject of many great works of literature, art, and film. My most recent find was Cormac McCarthy's The Road (being made into a movie starring Viggo Mortensen). This novel is wonderfully written and generated such powerful images for me.....one of the best books I've read in quite a while.
Another point this film brings up is the Chernobyl disaster. It has been labeled the worst nuclear disaster in history. On April 26, 1986, a nuclear reactor in Chernobyl exploded. The town is now a ghost town and mother nature is reclaiming the land. While many people, animals, and wildlife were lost or damaged in the accident, the land is healing itself. It has only been almost 22 years since the disaster, but in that time vegetation is taking over the man-made structures.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster
Point being: Don't mess with Mother Nature.....she's one tough mama!!! And in the end (or semi-end, or ultimate-end, or half-way end), she'll win!
And the questions to ponder - Are humans really on a path of self-destruction? If we just took a few years to let the earth "take a bath" and cleanse herself, would we all be happier for it? Or have we already gone to far in "advancing our civilization"?
In the brilliant words of the Beatles - "Let It Be".
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Peace, Love, and Puppies!
This is a lengthy video, but worth the time......check it out:
http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread335227/pg1
The critique that many point out is "what will we do with all the human bodies"? I don't think this was intended to show what would happen if we all just died (if that interests you, see: Stephen King's "The Stand").
Another critique is that this is just fueling the whole Left Behind idea of the Christian Rapture......ummm, not really. The Rapture doesn't just take everyone off the earth, many are Left Behind (hence the title of the series, brush up your Revelations!).
Of course, the idea of the world in a post-apocalyptic setting has been the subject of many great works of literature, art, and film. My most recent find was Cormac McCarthy's The Road (being made into a movie starring Viggo Mortensen). This novel is wonderfully written and generated such powerful images for me.....one of the best books I've read in quite a while.
Another point this film brings up is the Chernobyl disaster. It has been labeled the worst nuclear disaster in history. On April 26, 1986, a nuclear reactor in Chernobyl exploded. The town is now a ghost town and mother nature is reclaiming the land. While many people, animals, and wildlife were lost or damaged in the accident, the land is healing itself. It has only been almost 22 years since the disaster, but in that time vegetation is taking over the man-made structures.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster
Point being: Don't mess with Mother Nature.....she's one tough mama!!! And in the end (or semi-end, or ultimate-end, or half-way end), she'll win!
And the questions to ponder - Are humans really on a path of self-destruction? If we just took a few years to let the earth "take a bath" and cleanse herself, would we all be happier for it? Or have we already gone to far in "advancing our civilization"?
In the brilliant words of the Beatles - "Let It Be".
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Peace, Love, and Puppies!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Pretty Fly for a White Girl
This is great.....the musings of what white people are from the point of view of a white person. So true....and so completely sarcastic!
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
I'm particularly fond of the musings about grad school. Me, a white chick, recently completed grad school. Why? But, of course, to prove that I'm smarter than other white chicks! And I can prove my smartness because I have a piece of paper (paid for by working full time) to say that I'm smart. Hmmm....so now I guess I have to find life situations where I can argue educational theory as it applies to policy and pedagogy. I'm sure there is some coffee shop somewhere that I can find someone to argue this higher level thinking.
But, on the other hand, who really gives two rips.
Here's the grad student posting from this blog.....it's great:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/81-graduate-school/
Bottom line for me:
I'm a good teacher and my little piece of expensive paper doesn't really prove that.
And reading people online is just as valuable as reading John Dewey (and far more entertaining).
I've talked more about Bradgelina and Brit-Brit in the past year than any theory of classroom democracy......it makes me "cultured", right?
I'm likable just the way I am.....reading about Polygamy and watching The Girls Next Door makes me interesting. So does an M.Ed. Deal with it!
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
I'm particularly fond of the musings about grad school. Me, a white chick, recently completed grad school. Why? But, of course, to prove that I'm smarter than other white chicks! And I can prove my smartness because I have a piece of paper (paid for by working full time) to say that I'm smart. Hmmm....so now I guess I have to find life situations where I can argue educational theory as it applies to policy and pedagogy. I'm sure there is some coffee shop somewhere that I can find someone to argue this higher level thinking.
But, on the other hand, who really gives two rips.
Here's the grad student posting from this blog.....it's great:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/03/04/81-graduate-school/
Bottom line for me:
I'm a good teacher and my little piece of expensive paper doesn't really prove that.
And reading people online is just as valuable as reading John Dewey (and far more entertaining).
I've talked more about Bradgelina and Brit-Brit in the past year than any theory of classroom democracy......it makes me "cultured", right?
I'm likable just the way I am.....reading about Polygamy and watching The Girls Next Door makes me interesting. So does an M.Ed. Deal with it!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Yes, yes....I am a fish
Since my birthday is this week, I decided to find out more about what I should be.....at least according to astrology, the sun, and mythology.
I'm right smack dab in the middle of Pisces...symbolized by two fish - one swimming upstream and one swimming downstream. Of course, the description listed below could be one that anyone says "Oh yeah, that's me". But, seriously, some of this stuff is me. Or at least me the way I view myself.
Another description I found of Pisces says the ideal careers are "working with animals, acting, writing, poets, engineers, and psychics". So, I guess I should be writing - in rhyme - about a machine that understands the minds of dogs. And then I give live demonstrations. I've found it - my astrological job calling!!!!
They also have trouble distinguishing real life from their daydreams and night dreams. I will 100% agree that I sometimes confuse what I dream at night with reality. Oh the times that I wake up really thinking that I bought an awful blue polka sports bra and wore it with no pants to work!
Here's the pretty accurate description of what I, the little fish that could, am all about..........
I'm right smack dab in the middle of Pisces...symbolized by two fish - one swimming upstream and one swimming downstream. Of course, the description listed below could be one that anyone says "Oh yeah, that's me". But, seriously, some of this stuff is me. Or at least me the way I view myself.
Another description I found of Pisces says the ideal careers are "working with animals, acting, writing, poets, engineers, and psychics". So, I guess I should be writing - in rhyme - about a machine that understands the minds of dogs. And then I give live demonstrations. I've found it - my astrological job calling!!!!
They also have trouble distinguishing real life from their daydreams and night dreams. I will 100% agree that I sometimes confuse what I dream at night with reality. Oh the times that I wake up really thinking that I bought an awful blue polka sports bra and wore it with no pants to work!
Here's the pretty accurate description of what I, the little fish that could, am all about..........
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
It's a pair of Fish that represents Pisceans, a symbol which prompts others to suggest that these people 'go with the flow' and 'don't make waves.' Both of these labels are true, since Pisceans are fluid and easy-going, in keeping with the Mutable Quality assigned to this Sign. The fact that two fish (as opposed to one) represent the members of this Sign also speaks to the duality of Pisceans, their yin and yang sensibility. Pisceans alternate between reality and non-reality in keeping with their introspective natures; their voyage between consciousness and an unconscious dream state says much about their intuitive, almost psychic natures. For this reason, Pisceans can be hard to pin down, prompting some to call them the chameleons of the Zodiac. The Fish are happy to be considered hazy, since there's a certain sense of safety in that self-proclaimed netherworld. That said, they won't stay away for long, since one of their primary goals is to help others. Pisceans are compassionate, charitable and will quickly put the needs of others ahead of their own. It's this kind of self-sacrifice which keeps these folks going. The flip side to their giving natures is that oft-timid Fish are likely to be taken advantage of by less well-meaning souls.
http://www.astrology.com/allaboutyou/sunsigns/pisces.htmlMonday, March 3, 2008
| Results from my theological worldview quiz.....thought this was pretty accurate. http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=7095N What's your theological worldview? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You scored as a Emergent/Postmodern | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
The Day Grand Central Stood Still
So, one day a group of people participated in a planned improv (which kinda seems like an oxymoron) in which they just stopped moving and froze in place at the same time.
Check it out:
http://improveverywhere.com/2008/01/31/frozen-grand-central/
The most interesting part of this, for me, is that lots of people started taking pictures of these "frozen people". But, isn't a picture just a frozen image anyway? When they got their pictures back didn't they just look like frozen people giving other frozen people a funny look? Hmmm.....seems kinda funny to me to try to capture the moment of a group of frozen people by using equipment that freezes everyone. Anywho....just found it humorous.
And check out the links to Ben Folds.....that mission was great, and not just because Ben Folds is my homeboy.
Check it out:
http://improveverywhere.com/2008/01/31/frozen-grand-central/
The most interesting part of this, for me, is that lots of people started taking pictures of these "frozen people". But, isn't a picture just a frozen image anyway? When they got their pictures back didn't they just look like frozen people giving other frozen people a funny look? Hmmm.....seems kinda funny to me to try to capture the moment of a group of frozen people by using equipment that freezes everyone. Anywho....just found it humorous.
And check out the links to Ben Folds.....that mission was great, and not just because Ben Folds is my homeboy.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Without Pets, I'd be lost......or just crazy!
My friend sent me a fabulously enlightening website that focuses on life without a beloved pet. It seems that Jon Arbuckle is quite the crazy man without his beloved Garfield.
http://garfieldminusgarfield
I found this site highly amusing and truly reflective of my life. I thank goodness that my furry children are there to at least make me look sane. This is a great site.....check it out!
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